For too long I’ve cared more about what people think of me rather than fully accepting that God delivered me from things simply to testify of how he can save! If you never knew, then now you know, GOD IS GOOD! Sexual immorality, feeling so low and wanting to harm myself, hating myself for doing…
Question to consider:
Since I was made to last forever, what is one thing I should stop doing and the one thing I should start doing today?
If I had to stop doing something today, I would stop smoking.
I should, I know I should.
No one who smokes thinks that they are doing something beneficial for their bodies. Okay? We know its bad and its gross, we don’t like it anymore than you. Could I stop smoking today, I mean…. yeah I could. Like for ever no more at all period in my life what so ever??
I should start reading my bible more and spending more time with god than my personal pleasures. I should also start working out more…
Freshman year of college. D0RMlife :) aww we used to have so much fun.
The hair has made it back to this legnth, now I gotta get in the gym && get my body right <3
♬ hey i heard you were a wild one♬
Point to ponder: Living on purpose is the path to peace
Question to consider: What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?
If I had to choose I would say that my family and my friends would say that the driving force in my life is resentment, fear and the need for approval.
I say resentment because of the past and the relationship that I had with my mother and those in my immediate family. Since we did have such a turbulent relationship, perhaps they would think that I’m driven by resentment and anger to be better than them and have more than what they had so that I can make myself look better in the process.
Driven by my fears because there are things that have happened to me that I want to make sure never happens to any one that I care about whether it is my child, someone else in my family, one of my friends or just a kid that I come in contact with at work. It could be said that im driven by fear for not wanting to take certain opportunities because I didn’t want to get hurt or because I didn’t want to look stupid.
They could also say that im driven by the approval of others as well. Reason being because I am indecisive and I don’t tend make decisions on my own. Instead of turning to God I ask people around me for their opinions on my life. I can be afraid of being viewed in a certain way which will keep me from participating in something altogether.
I want the driving force in my life to be the Holy Spirit. I want to be able to hear him speak to me. I want to be able to feel him all around me. To be able to depend on him completely. I want to be able to take all of my worries, concerns, trouble and heart aches to him. I want to be focused on what it is that God has life and will never know what he has in store for me if I can’t hear him speak. Of course I can pursue my passion and chase my dreams. I can be successful and wealthy, but thats meaningless if I miss the entire purpose for me being here on earth.
I am not an accident
Question to consider- Knowing that God uniquely created me. What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?
Its a hard concept to grasp that before I, or any of us were born that God had us in mind. That he created this world with each and everyone of us in mind. That he has a purpose for each and everyone of us. That nothing we have experienced in life has happened by chance. That he chose our race, the way we look,and gave us each special talents. Thats a hard concept to grasp.
I have struggled with self image issues for as long as I can remember. My personality of course could use some improvements and my background… for get about it.
When it comes to my personality I know that alot of the experiences I’ve gone through in my past have had alot to do with the way that I am today. I’ll drop kick your ass (literally) if I feel you’ve crossed the line. (Mkayy…not so much now since i’ve been to jail for doing that) I had a quick temper and I’ve I’m a people pleaser. I have a hard time allowing people to love me for the fear that once I let them in they will leave me. Like many others, trust isn’t something that develops easily for me.
The reason being, not because I’ve loved and lost but because I was tossed around alot as a kid. The first few years of my life I lived with my grandmother because my mother was in prison. When she was released I began staying with her again and it didn’t take long for me to realize that she couldn’t stand me. She always called me ugly, black bitches, and I was a ‘problem child’ so I got a whooping everyday. I watched her under go alot of domestic violence. Perhaps she just needed someone to let her anger out on ?? I always hated her and wished that she would die so I could go back to living with my grandmother. One day my wish came true, when I was 11 she died and I started staying with my grandmother again. However, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Because although my wish had been granted, my mother had died and I was back living with my grandmother, her son living with her didn’t appreciate me coming to stay. Thus, the abuse continued only this time it was intensified on so many levels.
Its one thing to get a whooping everyday from your mother, but being beat by a grown ass man…Thats another story. It was always a really touchy subject for me, because I felt that no one cared enough about me to make him stop. I also didn’t feel the need to report anything to anyone at school, if my family didn’t care why should the administrators ?? I was so withdrawn when I was younger. I was afraid to even look men in the eye. Some kids hated going to school, I used it as my get away. Joining every possible club I could and staying as long after school as possible. It wasn’t until one of my counselors took notice that I was reluctant to go home and referred me to a therapist, when my grandmother understood that what was going on in the house wasn’t okay. He technically wasn’t even supposed to be living there due to an incident that occurred that landed me in the hospital. He was made to leave, and ended up coming back. Only this time when he did I completely panicked and snapped which resulted in me being kicked out and me living on my own at 17, more like bouncing around until I started college and living on campus.
Growing up dark skinned, you’re going to get made fun of. Because in our society, the fairer skin you have the more attractive you’re considered. I didn’t have someone in my ear telling me that my skin was beautiful. My mother tore me down just the same as the kids at school. I always thought that I was ugly, and to this day still I still struggle with my self esteem. I’m not ashamed to admit that. I’m older now, and Now I get called beautiful, Now I get complimented on my skin, Now guys find me attractive…Idk if its a case of ugly duckling turned into a swan or what. I always used to think people were lying when they gave me compliments, or that they were trying to make some kind of a joke. I am one of those girls who cannot take a compliment, I’m learning to simply say thank you when one is received.
I’m still uncomfortable with my dark skin especially when the majority of my family has light skin, long hair and pretty eyes. Distant family members included. I always felt awkward for being so tall. The worst was having distorted thoughts telling me don’t eat, go run, eat everything you can, you’re pathetic go puke! My life thus far has just been a roller coaster.
Thankfully God has decreased those distorted thoughts drastically, and some happiness had began to flow through my veins. This past year is the most stable mentally I’ve been in years. For that alone Lord is why I have decided to follow you. Because when I was at my weakest praying to cease you took the burden off my shoulders and gave me peace. You hear people saying, ‘you dont know what I’ve been through’ which is why I try not to judge
They say that God will not put you through anything that you can not bear and everything that you go through builds your endurance. Which makes me think, I was put through hell so I could withstand even more hell? I also remind myself that there are people have have gone through and are going through much worse.
These are some things I had struggled to accept.
Purpose driven Life: Day One
Thinking about my purpose: Question to consider— In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for god, not for myself?
Advertising. Its everywhere. Buy this to look this way. Buy this to get this group of people to like you. Buy this and you’ll have all the girls. I believe that this world pollutes our minds and have left us with distorted thoughts. Instead of wanting to do what I choose to do I should be doing what HE wants me to do. It could be me.When I see people sitting down on the side walk, laying on park benches, walking around with no where in particular to go. I should remind myself that everyone has a story. Every face that I pass have had circumstances that lead them to where they are now. Whether they are in a good place or a bad place. Its up to me to offer everyone I see a smile and a hello. Working for the YMCA Safe Place I work closely with those who are living in unstable living conditions. We are here to service one another. Looking in the bible there are numerous people who were given tasks by God and they didn’t understand why they had to complete them. Many didn’t even want to complete them. But it isn’t about us. We’re here to be an example. God says that we are his people. We are not of this world. we shouldn’t try to blend in with this world. We’re a peculiar people. Alot of the worldly things that seem appealing and are in fact alot of fun isn’t what God would have us to do.I can start every task I attempt to complete by asking myself, could I do this with God with me? If he was standing here with me would this be an activity that he would partake in? If the answer is no, I know I should resist the urge to do so. If the answer is yes… .Then I may be on the right track.The spirit of god lives inside of me. The spirit of god who raised Jesus from the dead lives in me. Just as God raised Jesus, He will raise me from the dead. To live in Paradise— only if I walk and talk the way HE wants me to on earth. Living forever, with no sickness, no worries and no pain.
is worth more than what little buzz I could get from indulging , or any rush I could get from being intimate with a lover